My Kids in Three Acts

Act I

Enter Das Big Boy singing: 

Two little blackbirds sitting on a hill:

one named Jack, one named Jill.

Fly away, Jack. Fly away, Jill.

And then Jack and Jill pooped.

(a beat)

Because they’re birds. (He adds helpfully.)

Act II

Hipster Hausfrau is driving. From the backseat, a serious congested snot nose sound can be heard. It’s Das Big Boy, keeping a deliberate rhythm.

Hipster Hausfrau: Are you ok, dude?”

DBB: I’m a Tyrannosaurus, a dinosaur. That’s my growl.

Act III:

Little Liebchen is eating yogurt (aka, yo-yuht) at the kitchen table. Hipster Hausfrau is chopping tomatoes in the kitchen.

Little Liebchen (in baby patois): Ah nee monee.

HH: You need money? What do you need money for?

LL: Mommy wa-la.

HH: Why do you need my wallet?

LL: Ah go do TJ Maxss.

HH: You’re going to TJ Maxx?!

LL: Yeah!

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