‘Burban Bliss

Today we lolled and shopped our way through our post-Halloween, candy-fueled haze (ok, that was mostly me. I didn’t offer candy to our kids today, but I ate a bunch. In fairness, I only stole stuff that I’m pretty sure they don’t like). Das Big Boy declared this morning that he loved Halloween and trick-or-treating (duh), so we spent the early part of the day reliving our Halloween glory and playing games in which we fake trick-or-treated or pretended to be the neighbors’ dog getting sprayed by a skunk. At one point, Little Liebchen ran up to me, brought me to the bathroom door, and shouted, “Baby, baby!” I opened the door to this tableau:

I'm pretty sure this isn't what the American Girl Doll company had in mind for Samantha. Where are her Victorian manners?

I’m pretty sure this isn’t what the American Girl Doll company had in mind for Samantha. Where are her Victorian manners?

So in LL’s mind, either Samantha had a rough night last night, or she had to take a big poop. Given that approximately seventy percent of LL’s pretend play involves wiping and diapering, I’m going to guess it’s the latter.

IMG_1313Then we went to Ikea to replace broken glassware (as a family, we’re on the clumsy side), and get a

Ikea cuteness.

wool rug for LL’s room (wool=naturally antibacterial and flame retardent without off-gassing!)

Our errands continued at Target, where we ran into this “book”:

Yuck.

Yuck.

Now I’m a former English teacher and I believe whatever gets kids to read is great. But really? This is how we get girls reading? By teaching them that such a thing as a dream closet exists?! Now I’m not saying that I don’t love a good closet (in fact, I have a good, albeit messy, closet), but indoctrinating them into hyperconsumerism and pink dresses shit at age five is just gross. Can’t little girls dream bigger than closets?? Talk about female containment! This is literally teaching little girls that their aspirations should be about the small spaces in which they keep their clothes. Ugh. Please never buy this book for your children.

After settling my rage over the offensive Barbie book, our whole fam journeyed to the house of the ‘Burban Besties for an evening of make-your-own pizza, red wine/weird beer, and benign neglect of our combined four children four and under (DBB=4, ‘Burban Big Girl = 2.5, LL = 1.5, ‘Burban Babe = .5).

'Burban Big Girl rocking my Docs. And we were both sporting side ponytails. Not sure who is whose style icon.

‘Burban Big Girl rocking my Docs. And we were both sporting side ponytails. Not sure who is whose style icon.

It was the kind of evening you hope for when you move to the suburbs. Fun, fast-paced convo with dear friends, cozy fire, happy kids, and lots of yummy food/wine.

'Burban Big Girl is suspicious of my intentions. Probably justified as my intentions are for her to go play so I can gossip with her mother.

‘Burban Big Girl is suspicious of my intentions. Probably justified as my intentions are for her to go play so I can gossip with her mother.

The downside of ignoring your children all evening is that they trash your friends' house. The upside is that you drink tasty wine, gab, and then leave the mess behind. Just kidding! We had clean-up time at the end of the night!

The downside of ignoring your children all evening is that they trash your friends’ house. The upside is that you drink tasty wine, gab, and then leave the mess behind. Just kidding! We had clean-up time at the end of the night!

Also, I had a brilliant idea. We and the BBs both use the best high school babysitter on the planet. Next time we do a family hangout, we’re going to return to our respective homes to put our kids to bed, then have said babysitter come to one of our houses so the grown-ups can reunite at the other house for more wine/chat/boardgames without the kids!!

I hope you all had delightful Saturday evenings, too. We went tantrum-free from both kids today despite the fact that LL skipped her nap. So basically we’re screwed tomorrow. But it was worth it for tonight!

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