36!Posted: January 3, 2013 | |
This is a big one, folks. We now have a decent chance of getting the “take-home baby” for which I so yearn!
It’s funny how I get greedy in these situations. When I went on bedrest ten (yes TEN) weeks ago, I would have been thrilled if you’d told me I’d be getting to thirty-two, or even thirty weeks. I would have been ecstatic with thirty-four. But with each new week we reach, I just want more. It doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate where I am; I am of course overjoyed that I’ve reached this huge milestone. But once I get to a new place, I start looking ahead to the next one.
I was the same way with Das Big Boy’s pregnancy. First we wanted to get to viability, and then each week beyond was a big deal. But as soon as we reached a new week, I set my sights on the next one. And I was sort of the same way with his health stuff. Each time he’d go down on his oxygen, I’d be elated. But soon enough, I’d be itching to turn the dial again. Or at first I was thrilled to stop using the G-Tube, but soon enough, I was jonesing to get it out. Or developmentally: his cruising would astound me, but then I’d be longing to see him take steps on his own.
Now on the one hand, this makes sense. I just wanted assurance that everything would be ok, that my son, and now my daughter, would be healthy and happy, and would reach their potential. But at the same time, it runs decidedly counter to the zen philosophy of parenting that I strive to practice and feel is best: there is no end of the tunnel, no finish line. I posted about this well over a year ago, and said there is no getting out of the woods when it comes to parenting (or life, for that matter), because there are no woods. (Except for our beloved friends, the Woods family, who have managed to triple their number of children since that post! Go, team, go!)
So that’s my greed. I’m incredibly happy with where I am. But I’m already looking ahead to full term at 37. I’m trying, though, as I look ahead, to remind myself that where I am is where I am, and that where I am is damn good!
Thanks for all of your support, as always. Tomorrow I have an OB appointment. If you like, send me some good, calming vibes so I don’t give myself white coat hypertension and the free trip to L&D it entails.