Hairy Superstitious

I’ve just emerged from my (twice a week) shower, and it was delightful. Showers are more pleasing when you put them off. Trust me, I am an expert in this field.

Now: a confession.

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Is it a wonder they took so long to send Das Big Boy home with us?

I’m practicing a sports superstition technique that I employed when I was on hospital bedrest with Das Big Boy. At the time, I had no choice. I had to beg for sponge baths and to have my hair washed. (That first shower after four weeks was, in fact, amazing, fyi). So shaving my pits wasn’t really possible. But then I decided not to shave my armpits until  Das Big Boy was out of the NICU. Similarly, I didn’t drink wine until he came home (guess which was the greater hardship). I also forbade Herr Husband from shaving his face. I didn’t cut my hair. It was our way of showing solidarity. The results were alarming. Actually, my armpit hair was less scary than our head hair. And it turns out armpit just quits growing at maybe half an inch.

This overshare puts me in mind of another. Confession #2. I sometimes lurk on pregnant lady fora. I’m not a contributor, but I like reading about other people’s braxton hicks, or mothers-in-law, or weight gain. A recent popular topic on the January Due Date message board on What to Expect.com has been hair maintenance of an, ahem, other sort. The concern is as follows. Many of the women can no longer reach or see to safely maintain the downstairs carpet. I’m not going to say what ladies, pregnant or other, should do with their nethers. And I’m certainly not going to discuss mine. I may be fond of the overshare, but this isn’t college. It’s a good thing blogging hadn’t been invented when I was in college because I probably would have wanted to start a blog called Pubiestyles with Hipster H or some such atrocity. But I digress.

Now what I do find concerning is that the reason these women are so concerned with keeping things tidy is because they don’t want to gross out medical personnel during delivery. Really!? You’re worried that a few strays are going to gross out hospital staff?  These are people who are going to stick their hands into your vag, poke your cervix, possibly wipe up your poop, and pull out a baby of your bleeding self. You think they’re going to be put off by an untamed mane? They’re doctors and nurses!  Do you know what they see and do on a daily basis!? Suffice it to say I think these people are worried about the wrong thing. With these attitudes, I’m just not sure they’re ready for motherhood…

Speaking of people who ARE ready for parenthood, I want to send out some big love to my friends whose second twin was discharged from the NICU today after a twenty-nine day stay. So, so happy for you guys, and sorry that your congratulations got tacked on to the end of a pubic hair rant. Probably not the first of these you’ve had to suffer from me, but still…

And, just in case the title of the post makes you need to hear this song, as it did for me, I give you Stevie:

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4 Comments on “Hairy Superstitious”

  1. Lauda says:

    both the photo and post made me laugh out loud (i refuse to write the acronym for that, it’s so gross). you’re hilars. keep that cervix shut and don’t worry about what else is going on down there!

  2. Erin says:

    I was complimented on my shaven legs and painted toenails right before our little boy emerged. A little surprised, I said “I believe in good grooming,” which got a laugh. Also, I would totally have read Pubiestyles with Hipster H. I’d read it now!

  3. Erin says:

    Now that he’s here, I bathe about twice a week myself, no longer care about leg hair growth and am content if my toenails don’t make a clicking noise on the floor when I walk.

  4. amiawriter says:

    I can only send this to you! When my sister was 37 weeks, she asked me to shave her uh hums for her impending c-section cause age couldn’t see down there — and didn’t trust aman (her husband or obgyn) to do it!!

    Talk about sisterly love — that’s when we knew we could do anything for each other

    Sincerely,

    Susan

    Pardon the brevity and any typos…Sent from my iPhone


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