Pregnant Men, Voter Mobilization, and the Goodness of Mankind

Target features in yet another post today! You’d never know I was a local-biz supporting liberal by the way my blog persona seems to shop. Target is actually my grocery store of choice for things I don’t buy at crunchy-suburban-yuppie places like Volante Farms, which has the best local produce and apple cider donuts and goat cheese flatbread ever. One day, Das Big Boy and I whizzed around shopping at Volante (back when I still whizzed. I still whiz in the four-year-old boy sense. Like constantly. Because you’re supposed to stay superhydrated when you’re at risk of preterm labor, mostly because it makes medical people feel like they’re giving you something to do). Anyway, as we whizzed in the shopping cart, I grabbed a sixer of said donuts in their plain white bag. Das Big Boy gleefully shouted, “Donuts!” ’cause I’m the awesome mom who’s kid can identify donuts that have essentially been brown bagged as he shops in a mecca to fresh fruit and veg. But anyway.

Fatty and delicious. Like me, these days.

Target carries Das Big Boy’s superfatty (aka, delicious) Liberté yogurt, which you should eat if you ever need to gain weight. It has 260 calories in six ounces and tastes like melted ice cream with extra butter, or something like that. Delicious, or de-lick-ous, as Das Big Boy would say. And so much cheaper at Target than anywhere else. As ‘Burban Bestie pointed out (she’s also done a Target run for the Husband Hausfraus), we eat a nearly alarming quantity of yogurt around here. And I can get it cheaper at Target, so I do (big box shopping justified?). Along with store brand junk food cereal (Marshmallow Treasures and Honey Graham Crunch), which I account for with the iron fortification. And the fruity goop packs that we feed Das Big Boy because he still kind of hates food.

A testament to Herr Husband’s smouldering masculinity.

Well, one of the things that happens when your life spins into medical crisis is that sometimes you forget to pay your bills. Like the Target Card bill (yup, I got one to save another 5%. This blog seems to have taken a turn decidedly away from Hipster and towards Hausfrau. I’m going to have to do something about that.) So Herr Husband called Target to explain the situation and get them to waive the fee, etc. But the card is in my name. So he just said he was me. Didn’t disguise his voice, didn’t say he was my husband. Just called and said, “I’m having problems with a pregnancy and was in and out of the hospital all last week and totally forgot to pay my bill.” And the Target people wished him well in his pregnancy, waived the fee, and assured him that his credit report wouldn’t be affected. Now, I know Herr Husband isn’t a bass, and I’m certainly no soprano, but still. Maybe they didn’t want to add to his/my misery by saying, “Perhaps the problem with your pregnancy is that you’re a dude.”

We have two more things to address today: one is the election. I’m compulsively reading FiveThirtyEight to make myself feel better. Several of my Dem friends (also known more generically as my friends) are superanxious and I’m trying not to catch it (I’m looking at you, Dr. S, ‘Burban Bestie, and TinaLou.) But I was anxious about one thing–voting! How can you vote on bedrest?! It might be too late to get an absentee, and I don’t totally believe in them anyway. Don’t they only count them if things are close? Plus, I want to set a good example for my children, both external and fetal. And I just love voting. And this election is so fucking important and if you haven’t figured that out yet, or if you are still undecided, then I’m sorry, I find you baffling. Now obviously, Barack is going to carry MA, despite it being Mitt’s alleged “home state,” (even if Mittens refuses to name it by name–and thanks KTZ for pointing that out!). But our senate race is close, and my house district, which is that of retiring liberal legend Barney Frank, is also closer than I’d like. So while I was at the hospital for the Halloween episode when they wouldn’t let me leave, I asked the doctor. “I have one more incredibly important but somewhat strange question.”

“Yes?” she said. I’m sure she thought it would be about my vagina or something.

“Can I vote?” She laughed. And said I could. She was especially pleased to learn that I had access to a wheelchair, and said I’d be able to cut the line.

If I can vote in this condition (aka, consumptive Victorian), you can go vote. Unless you’re going to vote Republican, in which case, it’s cool. Feel free to stay home.
Also, holy shit, Hausfrau family, do I look like Oma here? Weird.

So the important question now is, “Can we turn me into an internet sensation?” Pregnant liberal on bedrest cares so much about America that she insists on voting…Preemie mom wants to be sure her kids have access to healthcare no matter their preexisting conditions… Think about it and see if we can find a way to use this to make me famous. Because, you know, that’s what this is all about: not my baby’s health, or that of the country, or the many other people who have to overcome far greater challenges to get their votes cast…

Finally, I can’t keep harping on my challenges without sending thoughts and big love to those struggling in the wake of Sandy. Yes, I’m a Boston ‘Burbite by birth, and probably a lifer now (or at least until my kids go to college), but I’m a Brooklynite at heart. And I can’t imagine what folks all over the city and NJ are going through. I feel bad whining about my individual problems when so many people face such uncertainty and loss. So I wanted to at least acknowledge that. Of course, I was particularly touched by the story of the babies at NYU Langone being evacuated from the NICU, in part because I know how deeply hospital staff care about those babies, and how hard they would work in that impossible situation to keep them safe. Amazing. We also have friends from our NICU days who live in Staten Island, where devastation has been widespread. They had to move to the hospital (where they already have to spend too much of their time!) with their adorable son to make sure his medical needs stayed met during the storm. It’s a scary time for everyone, especially those who were already vulnerable. Big thanks to all of my NYC friends who I know (thanks to Facebook stalking) are donating time, money and goods to help those in need. And thanks to all those who have been bringing me the love.

See? People are good.

A final message from Das Big Boy.  Feel free to make him an internet sensation as well.

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2 Comments on “Pregnant Men, Voter Mobilization, and the Goodness of Mankind”

  1. Leda says:

    It has come to my attention that help in deciphering Das Big Boy’s announcement might be necessary. He wants you to “Vote for Obama!”


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